A look into the many kitschy, tacky, and just plain weird water fountains on Wayfair.

By Jessie Schiewe

It’s no secret that the sounds of water fountains can be soothing and relaxing.

Some people use them to help with sleep, while others keep them on their desks to enhance their focus and mental acuity while working. Feel like your family is out of touch and growing apart? Consider replacing the flat screen TV in your family room with a lovely vertical water fountain. Bathrooms are another popular spot to keep them, helping to drown out unwanted sounds and give a spa-like atmosphere to the room.

Water fountains can also be just for fun. As this curated list of wacky models from Wayfair proves, water fountains can serve as an extenuation of one’s personality and interests. From gnomes to squirrels, these water fountains not only enhance a room, but they say something about the person who owns them — things that might sometimes be better left unsaid.

To see our picks of the weirdest water fountains on Wayfair, keep scrolling...

Cement Bear And Tree Patio Fountain

Nothing to see here. Just a bear milking a tree’s nipple.

Gnomes and Toadstools Water Fountain

This water fountain is life sized. That is, if tiny gnomes and “mushroom houses” were real. Still, some customers don’t get it: Wrote one: “It was all in one piece but smaller than I expected.”

Ceramic Owl Water Fountain

For those who want a pissed-off, constipated owl to stare at them in their homes.

Naughty Dog Water Fountain

Because nothing says “I love dogs” like a resin terrier pissing in your pond.

Family of Black Bears Water Fountain

In a few years, that baby bear on the top is going to move out of the family den and head to Vegas, where she’ll become a stripper.

Vintage Gas Station Fountain

What’s super cool about this gas pump water fountain is that it’s gasoline-scented.

Crazy Legs Frog Fountain

“Look Ma, no hands!”

Kids Watering Flowers Fountain

This fountain is clearly beloved by customers, earning a 4.9-star rating out of 26 reviews. As one person wrote in their review of it: “It was a wedding present. They loved it.”

Peacock on Tree Stump Fountain

There are no less than five large scale peacock water fountains on Wayfair, with this one serving as the least expensive. The best part? It won’t dig up your garden and poop everywhere.

“Caught Red-Handed” Gnome Water Fountain

This controversial water fountain depicts two gnomes stealing water from a fire hydrant. However, gnomes’ rights activists have decried it for being offensive, painting the gnome community in a poor light, and have called for a boycott of all Wayfair water fountains.

Metal Pink Flamingo Fountain

The designer of this water fountain often confuses otters with flamingos.

Playing Squirrels Water Fountain

Although it looks like the squirrel on the top is diarrhea-shitting on its friend below, squirrel fans have gone nuts for this water fountain. According to reviews, most people put them in their yards, but one person uses it as a triple water bowl for her dogs.

3-Tiered Tiki Fountain With Light

Dole Whip and singing birds NOT included.

Solar Hound Dog Fountain

What at first glance appears to be a dog head with a man’s body is, in fact, just a regular dog. It seems to be transfixed by a dinosaur egg wrapped in cabbage. More than 100 people have purchased this water fountain. “I’m delirious in love with my new hound dog ELVIS,” wrote one of them.

Western Motif Water Fountain

After you buy this, make sure you also get a few fake cactuses for your yard, partner.

Hippo Spitter Fountain Statue

I know hippos don’t wear clothes, but there’s something very explicit about this water fountain that makes me want to throw a towel over the hippo and help her find a new job.

More weird news:

Articles

The Thrift Store Where (Almost) Everything Is Free

At Free Oakland UP, money is no object and you never know what you’ll find.

You Sure You Don’t Want No Scrubs?

Workwear as regular clothing is now a thing.

The Best Water Fountains For Those With Bizarre Tastes

A look into the many kitschy, tacky, and just plain weird water fountains on Wayfair.

Baby Dolls That Will Give You The Frights

Creepy, weird, and unusual toys for Halloween that you probably shouldn't give to any kids.

A VHS Revival

No VCR? No problem. Analog videos are making a comeback, just not as you remember them.

The Mystery of The Fake Cactus Flowers

Big-box stores are fooling us into buying visually enhanced plants. Why do we fall for it?

Remembering Loved Ones With Cremation Jewelry

Creative uses for ashes abound as people increasingly seek personalized memorials for their loved ones.

Forever 21 Is Now Selling Patrick Nagel Clothing

An ’80s icon is back, but instead of living on a canvas, you’ll find his work on sweatshirts and tees.

Would You Pay $2 for Someone Else’s Half-Finished Lipstick?

Why beauty fans around the world are shelling out money for used makeup products.

These Are America's Oldest Clothing Brands

Shop as if you lived 100 years ago from companies that have been around for more than a century.

Want to Make Coronavirus Jewelry?

An eagle-eyed shopper found vintage beads that look like the virus particles. File this under weird ways to commemorate a global crisis.

The Drug That Makes You Spend All Your Money

Abilify treats depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia, but it can also lead to compulsive gambling, shopping, eating, and sex.

Divining With Tupac, Erykah Badu, and Billie Holiday

How a punk-rock musician — with help from the filmmaker Alejandro Jodorowsky — created a tarot deck that’s all about Black Power.

Buy Used, Germy Tissues & Never Get Sick Again

That’s the thinking behind a start-up’s controversial new product, which cost $80 a box.

Buy Some Crotchless Panties & Prove the Haters Wrong

Belle de Nuit’s bespoke and risqué lingerie promotes inclusive sizing — and respect for sex workers.

The Thrift Store Where You Can Buy People’s Unclaimed Luggage

From Jim Henson muppets to shrunken heads, an enterprising Alabama business sells the items people forget and leave behind while traveling.

All About That Vase

Artist Meegan Barnes crafts voluptuous ceramic booties that double as planters and statues. Ass worship meets interior design.

Keeping Tiki Culture Alive, One Mug at a Time

The cocktail glasses at your favorite Polynesian-themed bar were probably made by a tiny Southern California tiki mug manufacturer called Tiki Farm.

There’s a Box For That

The joys of having random stuff delivered to your home every month.

Strange Valentine’s Day Gifts More Exciting Than Chocolates & Roses

From succulent sex toys to egg-laying dildos, here are some erotic presents that will take your date night from “Wow” to “WTF?!”